Why?

I don't blog.  I never have, and never thought I would.  I don't even know how to begin to.  But I'm doing this to document my journey, in the hopes that one day my son or daughter can read this, and see just HOW MUCH they were wanted. 
  I guess it starts back in 2003.  Jon and I had dated a few times over the years, but this time it stuck.  We pretty much started "trying" for a child immediately.  And by "trying" I only mean "not preventing".  We got married May 21, 2005.  Not too long after that, we started getting a little curious...Two years and nothing?  So, the journey began.  Temping, charting symptoms, reading every article I could find on the internet...and all the "tips" you get from everyone.  Nothing worked.  One life-saver for me, was joining babyzone.com.  They have an amazing "trying to conceive" board that has the most wonderful, supportive women you will ever meet.  And they're all going through the same thing.  I would recommend this board to ANYONE struggling with infertility.  No one else truly understands how you feel, unless they've been there.  At some point along the way, my ob/gyn had him do an SA.  Everything came back pretty much fine.  After that, it was my turn.  The next step would be a hysterosalpingogram.  My ob/gyn was not much help, and I actually had to ask HER if that was the next step!   But at this point, we were worn out.  So much stress and heartache was taking its toll on us, so we decided to stop.  At that point, we convinced ourselves we didn't want children.  Looking back, I think it was just easier to make ourselves believe that.  We never actually "stopped" trying.  We just werent "actively" trying anymore.......